I am laughing..

     I must say, I think I am a pretty gutsy person in some ways.  Today, not only did I ride on the back of a motorcycle with social worker and pal Nilantha, I had to balance a 2 ft. by 3 ft. white board between us as he manuvered the very messy, holey, wet roads of Badulla with me and the board behind him.  The wind was pulling the board toward his head (yes of course we were both in helmets), I was holding the top of the board with one hand, my purse plastered accross my chest but slipping over the side, another heavy bag over my other shoulder,and holding on the the back of my seat with the other hand.  I was laughing when we finished our ride to the hospital, so wishing you could all see me!  I swear I am feeling younger by the day, I may come home in a crib..I think that was a movie..hmm.    A few days ago, after being asked by one of the bigshot doctors in the system, why I didn't ever wear a Sari to special occasions  and basically suggesting again that I do, I remembered that when I was in Batticaloa, I had bought a cotton Sari to bring home and use for I don't know what.  So today, after getting the white board to the ward, one of the nurses dressed me in the Sari.  It is the first time I ever even had one on and I must say, it felt special.  So I don't know what occasion may come up that I can wear it to other then my last day here, but my friend Laxmi and I shall go looking for material for the blouse which must accompany it.  Of course I have already said it has to have 3/4 sleeves and be longer in the midriff than most women wear it but it's OK, they believe me to be a bit crazy anyway.  Even Nilantha was involved in deciding what color the blouse should be.  I kept saying why can't I wear a black jersey I have and he kept saying, no, it isn't suitable.  Sometimes I can't buck the system.
     Last week and this, I have been involved in the full cycle of a Buddhist death and the rituals and ceremonies that accompany it.  In some ways, many ways it is all similar to JudoChristian traditions post death.  The major difference is that people start coming to the house the day the person dies and lunch, a huge meal of rice and curry is provided by the family from that time until the moment they leave for the cemetary.  Neighbors do bring in some food but mostly the family and extended family provide it.  There is no time when people are encouraged not to be at the home.  In the west we usually have hours of visiting, giving the family private time to eat and be quiet.  This is a group society and pleasing the visitors is what is important.  The other thing is that everything here is still done in the house, probably because funeral parlors don't yet exist here, too costly.  So in the hour before leaving for the cemetary, 6 Buddhist monks came to the house and  talked while the family sat on the floor doing rituals.  The family stays home for a week total following the death and on the 7th day, the family, friends, relatives give alms (dana) to  12 priests (monks) in the form of lunch, candys, fruits, things they need like new robes and begging bowls, soap etc. This is all presented to the monks in chairs  covered in white clothe with low tables covered in white in front of them.  Again, there is a praying ritual with monks talking and the family doing rituals.  Then they serve lunch to an invited group which included all the staff of our psych. unit.  This is similar to Jews sending money for a charity when someone dies.  The staff collected money to present to the family because the costs are great to provide all the cooking, meals etc. to so many guests.  It is believed that doing all of this is giving points in a way to the person who has died and trying to reach Nirvana in some lifetime.
     I know most of you reading this are suffering with huge snow storms or other incliment weather but I just have to complain a little about the huge shift in the weather here in the hill country of Sri Lanka..it's friggin' freezing here right now and hardly ever stops raining.  I am sitting writing to you with 3 layers of clothing, including a polartec, a shawl over that, a wool scarf around my neck and wool socks on my feet.  All of these items I brought and never wore before now.  It feels like a cold, rainy raw day in late fall in NYC..ugh.  OK, OK...

65 going on 13

     Where to begin.  I have been gone for weeks.  The trip was sort of in 3 parts.  Colombo was fine, meetings, lot's of shopping, haircut, life stuff.  I had a full week of silent meditation at a retreat with Dhammaruwan and Stephen Smith who came from Hawaii to teach.  That was a treat with only 7 yogis there, we got lot's of attention.  I am unclear as to why I still do this since I have no sitting practice to speak of.  In between retreats I don't sit and honestly, I doubt if I shall now.  I love my NYC once a week Sangha.  I strongly believe in the philosophy of Buddhism, I try to live by the principles of the Buddha, but I'm too lazy and undisaplined for a daily practice..also, retreats are hard, near the end I started to be attacked in my mind by old, old bad feelings about myself and it took many hours for those feelings to change. This is called Yogi Mind.  It put me off kilter a bit too and I think it carried over to feeling more vulnerable after I left the retreat..or maybe that's an excuse.  The third part of the trip was a Christmas trip to Galle (where I went last Christmas) with 3 other volunteers.  Mostly it was great, shopping, beaching, eating.  Winston Churchill once said that the USA and GB were "2 great nations divided by language!"  Boy is that true.  The 3 other people are from the UK (1 from England and 2 from Scotland).  Between the words I didn't understand, the timber of the voice and the expressions I had no idea about, I think I drove them crazy saying "what, what, what does that mean, what..."  They didn't get me either sometimes.  On one occasion I said I didn't mind, meaning I was so happy to be there and was OK with anything and they thought I was being disagreeable and grumpy or sad.  The cultural differences where astounding to me and I have a feeling I said the same thing last year when I traveled with the Brits.  You know these three women are in their 30s and I am 65 (still think I gained 10 years accidentally) but sometimes I felt like I was much younger then them in a neurotic sense, like 13 yo, when I was pretty miserable person. Everybody in a group has their own stuff to deal with but I was surprised at mine now.  I did manage to shop way too much and spend more money then I have spent all year!  That was tremendous fun too, sharing the excitement of stuff with others who were way too encouraging!
      In any case, I really wanted to get back to Badulla, to home as I think of it now, before Friday Dec. 31 to be present for the next Friday presentation at work.  I really missed my home, my life here, my people here.  I guess wherever you make home, it is home.  I kept having waves of love for the staff here.  They knew it was hard for me to get the program I had been attempting to do for a year going and then leave for 3 weeks.  I kept getting text messages catching me up with how it went each week and thanking me for it's existence.  I guess I am being immodest but I felt so warm and fuzzy knowing these people cared about my feelings, knew me enough to text updates.  I am so lucky because they are such good people and I shall miss them when I leave, a lot.  Actually, getting back to Badulla was so lovely because people here on the street and in shops are people I know superficially; but they are genuinely warm and welcoming. 
So it is a new year and someone sent me this Buddha story I want to share since each day starts affresh, this is how I hope life goes from now on:

Once Buddha was travelling with a few of his followers. While they were passing a lake, Buddha told one of his disciples, "I am thirsty. Do get me some water from the lake."

The disciple walked up to the lake. At that moment, a bullock cart started crossing through the lake. As a result, the water became very muddy and turbid. The disciple thought, "How can I give this muddy water to Buddha to drink?"

So he came back and told Buddha, "The water in there is very muddy. I don't think it is fit to drink."

After about half an hour, again Buddha asked the same disciple to go back to the lake.

The disciple went back, and found that the water was still muddy. He returned and informed Buddha about the same.

After sometime, again Buddha asked the same disciple to go back.

This time, the disciple found the mud had settled down, and the water was clean and clear. So he collected some water in a pot and brought it to Buddha.

Buddha looked at the water, and then he looked up at the disciple and said," See what you did to make the water clean. You let it be, and the mud settled down on its own -- and you have clear water.

Your mind is like that too ! When it is disturbed, just let it be. Give it a little time. It will settle down on its own. You don't have to put in any effort to calm it down. It will happen. It is effortless."

Having 'Peace of Mind' is not a strenuous job; it is an effortless process!