Really?..a Cobra...

    Today Laxmi RN and Manikay RN where talking about Manikay leaving the house for work and a Cobra sitting on her welcome mat outside the house!  This was TMI for me..I didn't need to know about how many Cobras live around here.

     This morning I saw a couple, they are only in their twenties and have been married for 5 years.  She is a nursery school teacher who is suffering a serious depression with psychotic features.  Part of it is psychological but a good deal of it is this society.  She and her husband have been unable to conceive for which there are medical reasons.  She lives in a village where she is really harassed and taunted for not having a baby.  She is buckling under the pressure, now convinced people spit when she passes.  Many people have told me that in this society people do gossip about their neighbors viscously and would do exactly what she is describing.  I cannot tell you how difficult it is to have to deal with this stuff without speaking the language.  I did the session with Nilantha, SW, and it was quite tedious to get thru but more, the frustration for me in not knowing what is truly said and how is, well, frustrating!  This is probably the major issue of every day..not knowing what is said, not being able to make myself understood.

     Two babies have now been born to staff members and I have noticed how freely everyone breast feeds.  Walking onto the maternity ward, visiting someone anywhere, in a store, on the sidewalk, it is the norm and as a matter of fact it is the law apparently.  You feed your baby this way for 2 years minimum..just like the USA right where people get arrested for breast feeding in public!

     In the last 2 weeks, 8 patients have been seen who tried to kill themselves..most by poison, one by hanging. She is 18 yo and this was her 2nd attempt. One had Bipolar disorder but the rest.. a major issue in SL is the lack of talking.  It is against the norm to talk about feelings.  I think people become desperate about their situations and it grows enormous inside of themselves, they see no way out.  It is a huge societal problem along with alcoholism.  There are hardly any trained counselors but people are reluctant to see them anyway.  I am encouraging people to use their counseling skills if they have been trained or go get trained.  The doctors have had minimal training in counseling/therapy but have no time to spend with patients beyond dealing with medications.  

     The last few weeks I was sort of, bored, alone, feeling like there just would not be enough worthwhile for me to do here for another year.  I have no intention of leaving but I just felt useless.  One day out of the blue the nurses said " We like you."  I said "any reason in particular?"  They said "You are always smiling, you are gentle and kind to patients and to us,  you have a good heart."  Of course this made me feel great, how could it not.  However, at the same time a few days later, I arranged for some work to be done with the AA members coming all the way from Colombo to help us, and one of the social workers, not Nilantha, promised 3 times to come help.  He just never showed up..also typical of Sri Lankans many of whom are government employees with no sense of the importance of following thru or keeping a commitment. I felt awful about it and was really pissed.  The point is one event was wonderful and took me out of my doldrums, the other was terrible and had me obsessing about what to do to this person for a few hours...but all that is about other people, not me..I need to work on Equanimity, I think what I mean is, if I was just being inside myself I would roll with the kisses and the punches, it would all be the same because inside of me would be the same.  This is not new information but I saw it so plainly over the last few days.  

     None the less, I did get over my few low days.  We got wonderful news that one of our nursing staff would be trained to become a Community Mental Health Nurse which means they really hope to create change in this archaic system.  I was so excited, of course I had a hand in choosing the nurse, helping her apply, I practically ripped the phone out of her hands when she was consulting with her husband before hearing the yes!  These moments of joy help me. 

     Speaking of Joy, I am off for vacation until July 20.  I am meeting  my sister Bobbie and cousin Helene in China.  I am very excited and particularly to see them. I am sending you all kisses.