Saturday, August 21, 2010
I made it!
Well, I seem to have weathered the storm as "they" (who are they anyway?) say. My mother used to say "they" are all wearing that, when I would ask how something looked on my chubby little body. I never knew who "they" were but I hated them..anyway, I digress. It seems my low mood was due to my coming to a grown up age, something I absolutely didn't want to do apparently but I made it thru Thursday then Friday and felt no more mature then I felt on Wednesday or last week..actually since I developed a pimple on my nose I felt a bit younger! The more I think about myself getting older, the more I can see how much the same I have always been. I am pretty much the same person I was at age 5 or 6. Nine trillion years of therapy, meditating, doing therapy, studying Buddhism, living life; I would still same I am a kind, sweet, good hearted person who is sometimes a real annoying pain in the ass! I welcome comments of agreement or disagreement or anything you wish to say on the subject is fine. My party was a success? I don't know. I tried to do it the absolute Sri Lankan way, almost. I was told I had to have bananas rather then any other fruit, no tea could be served, no water was necessary and I should have lunch packets if it was at 12 noon. My only deviation from this was to bring bottles of water and most people did not drink it. The things wrapped in newspaper are rice and curry. Yes newspaper is used for wrapping lunch, wiping your a-s, wiping your hands etc. This is a developing country. They cannot afford the paper products we so easily use and discard. Yes there I go, I was just on my soap box as a friend likes to tell me, part of being a pain in the butt, very annoying. Anyway, I totally screwed up by not individually going to each staff member and inviting them so two of the nurses did not come. This was not good but hopefully now fixed. The cultural and language differences sometimes feel like they are getting foggier rather then clearer. No one said very much at the party. I was instructed as to how to conduct it. I encouraged people to take lunch and no one moved then the Consultant Psychiatrist said why didn't I cut the cake. I said have dessert before lunch???? He said on special occasions, this is what they do so I cut the cake and gave it out with a banana to each person and that was good! I brought music but no one responded. After sitting around for a while it was whispered in my ear that the Minor (aide) staff would rather eat their lunch separately. The nurses ended up doing the same. The comfort level is not there I think for the different catagories of staff to eat together. However even though I said people should go and do as they wished, no one moved. Then I was told there was a song at which point the staff sang a very beautiful song about Sri Lanka. After that I gave a little speech since I couldn't think of a song to sing in that moment. Then Dr. P. gave a speech about me then big, big surprise i was presented with a lovely picture by all the staff and a beautiful top from the nurses and Laxmi gave me a bracelet but it was in secret and I can't tell the others! I was very touched but felt bad because they have so little and don't really celebrate their own birthdays, but you know, I'm 65 so fuck it, it's OK.
Monday, August 9, 2010
The Sri Lankan Ways
I am working my way thru my little aging crisis but along the way more important things are being discovered like the proper arrangements for my birthday party. I wanted a party where everyone was invited so no one felt left out and we could dance and have american food, drink and have an American good time. Well that costs a lot. So then I thought a party in my house but cutting down on who was invited, this led to secrecy and possible bad feelings, I am now at the place I didn't want to be, the place everyone is happy..a good old fashioned Sri Lankan party just like everyone else's with Short eats (shorties) which are like their version of appetizers (but they eat them for tea time and lunch sometimes ). They are vegetable, egg, chicken or fish filled rolls, buns, rotti or many other varieties of fattening and hot (spicy) things. Fruit, bananas are the usual, I may suggest something else but I will probably be overruled, tea and cake. That's it. Everyone will sit around and eat, talk and then get up and leave and that will be that! I have discovered however, that many people have never celebrated their birthdays at all. They have no party, no gift, no acknowledgement even. People here have always been too poor. Their was no extra. While I was in China, Laxmi had texted that it was her birthday. When I came back and we talked about it she had never ever received one present on her birthday. I gave her her first present.
Speaking of fruits which I started to before, this island has the most fascinating fruits and they are quite delicious or odd or horrible but different then anything I have tasted before. There is Jambu which is red and odd and Rambutan which is red with spikes all over it but amazingly juicy and delicious, looks like a lychee inside but tastes much better, there are guavas which are nothing like what we know as a guava and other little brown things that require breaking thru the skin and sucking out this sweet/sour taste. Then there is amberella which they use a lot for curry and mangosteens which have a purple hard shell and which are white, so yummy and sweet . There are these fruits called anoda or custard apple which are green outside and you eat the white pulp inside with a spoon, sooo delicious. Then of course ubiquitous ripe jack fruit, the most useful vegetable in existence. That's a few, there are others, some I have yet to try. I am a creature of habit perhaps or perhaps I just know what I like, I tend to eat a fuju apple and pinapple pretty much every day. The others are for fun.
Have I talked about death notices? When someone dies the notice is printed on a 81/2 by 11 inch white paper in black letters. There are the dates of birth and death, the name, a picture and the rest is in Singhala so I can't say. I had noticed signs like this posted all around and sometimes I stop and read them. The other day when we were out on a home visit, we arrived at a place and I was told we were going to a funeral parlor for a nurse's husband's 90 something year old mother. One of the nurses used to work with this nurse so we were there. On entering, there where lots of people, we were moved toward the body which is totally draped in white (buddhist), she was lying on a double size bed type thing, also all white with a sort of canopy thing, also in white. The body is in the middle, on soft, silky white billowy things. It was all quite peaceful. After paying our respects we were moved to a dining room area with just enough room for a large table surrounded by chairs. Cookies are passed around 2 to 3 times. After finishing the cookies a fruit drink is given. Have I mentioned that people do not drink during eating times, it is always after. My little rebellion with the staff is that I pour water when I am going to start eating and sometimes sip it while in the process of eating! Anyway after that we were encouraged to go outside of the house where chairs were set up and people now sit there for some period of time. While there I saw Nilantha's father (our wonderful SW). We chatted a few minutes. Later Nilantha told me he had already been there. My point aside from describing the ritual is that Sri Lankans are very connected and see it as their responsibility to attend the funeral of their friend's husband's cousin's wife's brother..get my drift? They know if a boy who is the son of the brother of a worker had appendicitis and will or won't be able to take his A level exams. Everyone is family.
This weekend I was invited to the AA meeting. It was declared an open meeting because they wanted me to attend and the local Buddhist Priest as well. There are now one or two very involved members who hopefully will try to keep the meeting going. The AA people from Colombo are paying on their own to come and ride the 6 hours in the middle of the night on motorcycles to get there for Sunday morning! I believe the Catholic Charities here called Caritas are going to give them some funding to keep them coming. If any of you feel so inclined and want to help out, for $50 they can get the AA posters in Singhala and Tamil. Right now only English is available which is useless in Badulla and (my fingers are crossed) in the future, useless on the tea estates. Any contribution would be great.
There are 2 more things to tell you. My frustration with not knowing what is being said continues to be great but I handle it better. Eventually someone will turn to me and fill me in, a little bit. For me, ms. curious, ms. I want to know everything, this is so hard. The worst of course is not being able to teach spontaneously, as something is happening.
I had a long talk with Nilantha PSW the other day about many things. He is the most curious about life all around the world, is the most knowledgeable about politics and we often spend hours exchanging information. He wanted to know about hotels and what they cost and if it is OK for Sri Lankans to eat with their hands in hotels in Sri Lanka and if you have to pay for the swimming pool if there is one. People here do not stay in hotels, it's much too costly. Nilantha for example makes 20000 LKR a month. That is about $200 a month! Anyway, I still hadn't gotten the toilet system down pat yet so he went thru a huge explanation and demonstration for me of toilet etiquette in Sri Lanka.
I have saved the best for last, the greatest habit of the Sri Lankans..nose picking. They don't blow their noses in public, they do some other little things but publicly people are always putting their fingers in there..Chinese do the same..I guess it's an Asian thing.
Speaking of fruits which I started to before, this island has the most fascinating fruits and they are quite delicious or odd or horrible but different then anything I have tasted before. There is Jambu which is red and odd and Rambutan which is red with spikes all over it but amazingly juicy and delicious, looks like a lychee inside but tastes much better, there are guavas which are nothing like what we know as a guava and other little brown things that require breaking thru the skin and sucking out this sweet/sour taste. Then there is amberella which they use a lot for curry and mangosteens which have a purple hard shell and which are white, so yummy and sweet . There are these fruits called anoda or custard apple which are green outside and you eat the white pulp inside with a spoon, sooo delicious. Then of course ubiquitous ripe jack fruit, the most useful vegetable in existence. That's a few, there are others, some I have yet to try. I am a creature of habit perhaps or perhaps I just know what I like, I tend to eat a fuju apple and pinapple pretty much every day. The others are for fun.
Have I talked about death notices? When someone dies the notice is printed on a 81/2 by 11 inch white paper in black letters. There are the dates of birth and death, the name, a picture and the rest is in Singhala so I can't say. I had noticed signs like this posted all around and sometimes I stop and read them. The other day when we were out on a home visit, we arrived at a place and I was told we were going to a funeral parlor for a nurse's husband's 90 something year old mother. One of the nurses used to work with this nurse so we were there. On entering, there where lots of people, we were moved toward the body which is totally draped in white (buddhist), she was lying on a double size bed type thing, also all white with a sort of canopy thing, also in white. The body is in the middle, on soft, silky white billowy things. It was all quite peaceful. After paying our respects we were moved to a dining room area with just enough room for a large table surrounded by chairs. Cookies are passed around 2 to 3 times. After finishing the cookies a fruit drink is given. Have I mentioned that people do not drink during eating times, it is always after. My little rebellion with the staff is that I pour water when I am going to start eating and sometimes sip it while in the process of eating! Anyway after that we were encouraged to go outside of the house where chairs were set up and people now sit there for some period of time. While there I saw Nilantha's father (our wonderful SW). We chatted a few minutes. Later Nilantha told me he had already been there. My point aside from describing the ritual is that Sri Lankans are very connected and see it as their responsibility to attend the funeral of their friend's husband's cousin's wife's brother..get my drift? They know if a boy who is the son of the brother of a worker had appendicitis and will or won't be able to take his A level exams. Everyone is family.
This weekend I was invited to the AA meeting. It was declared an open meeting because they wanted me to attend and the local Buddhist Priest as well. There are now one or two very involved members who hopefully will try to keep the meeting going. The AA people from Colombo are paying on their own to come and ride the 6 hours in the middle of the night on motorcycles to get there for Sunday morning! I believe the Catholic Charities here called Caritas are going to give them some funding to keep them coming. If any of you feel so inclined and want to help out, for $50 they can get the AA posters in Singhala and Tamil. Right now only English is available which is useless in Badulla and (my fingers are crossed) in the future, useless on the tea estates. Any contribution would be great.
There are 2 more things to tell you. My frustration with not knowing what is being said continues to be great but I handle it better. Eventually someone will turn to me and fill me in, a little bit. For me, ms. curious, ms. I want to know everything, this is so hard. The worst of course is not being able to teach spontaneously, as something is happening.
I had a long talk with Nilantha PSW the other day about many things. He is the most curious about life all around the world, is the most knowledgeable about politics and we often spend hours exchanging information. He wanted to know about hotels and what they cost and if it is OK for Sri Lankans to eat with their hands in hotels in Sri Lanka and if you have to pay for the swimming pool if there is one. People here do not stay in hotels, it's much too costly. Nilantha for example makes 20000 LKR a month. That is about $200 a month! Anyway, I still hadn't gotten the toilet system down pat yet so he went thru a huge explanation and demonstration for me of toilet etiquette in Sri Lanka.
I have saved the best for last, the greatest habit of the Sri Lankans..nose picking. They don't blow their noses in public, they do some other little things but publicly people are always putting their fingers in there..Chinese do the same..I guess it's an Asian thing.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Getting old?
Wow I am really having a hard time the last few days, maybe since I returned from China. I am not sure; but today I sunk and felt so many bad feelings and started wondering what I shall do here for another ten months. I think it is most related to my upcoming birthday which has put me into a state of disbelief. I feel no older then 37, at the most..how could I be turning 65, it just doesn't feel possible, it feels shocking to me. i am having thoughts of people disregarding me because I am old and life being short and all those horrible things. It manifests in feeling I am useless here, disregarded and anyway I wanted to volunteer and feel I made a difference, i am thinking maybe I shall go change baby's diapers in an orphanage in Africa or take care of gorillas somewhere because that would be fun too! I am realizing I have no real plan for a future life at home in the States..I am freaking out!!!!! Anyway, that is what I was feeling all morning at work and was sure that Laxmi my buddy didn't even like me anymore (yes friends I know, I'm telling you it was a few hours slip). Anyway, at some point I said to gloomy Laxmi, someone is really unhappy today, meaning her and being sure, being the narcisist I can be, that it was about something I had done. She and the other 2 nurses in the room surprised me by saying yes, something is wrong and finally Laxmi leaned forward and said, my husband got cross with me and I feel terrible. How many times do I have to have the same lesson DON'T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY and DON'T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS!! It happened because I was feeling sad and bad and was more vulnerable and the lessons still continued. I have been talking for months with the nurses, every time we go out on a home visit about writing a note about their observations in the charts, talking about community work and teams and continuity of care, blah, blah..no one listens and then today when I was talking to the nurse I am doing the home visits with tomorrow about it he said, yes we started last week writing in the patient's chart about how they are doing, what we are seeing.
Anyway, I am indeed starting to think about the future and it is pretty blank. I really miss my patients, that life of doing psychotherapy and I loved clinical teaching. I miss Mari and wish for time back. I wonder if I'll have sex again; if I shall love and be loved. I really feel there are many places to travel I have yet to see and feel quite capable of getting around. Over the weekend I went hiking with another volunteer in a place called Haputale and in 24 hours we walked and climbed about 15 kilometers..pretty good. There has also been a flurry of emails among my old Mt. Sinai classmates and I seem to be one of the few without any replaced parts!
Anyway, I am indeed starting to think about the future and it is pretty blank. I really miss my patients, that life of doing psychotherapy and I loved clinical teaching. I miss Mari and wish for time back. I wonder if I'll have sex again; if I shall love and be loved. I really feel there are many places to travel I have yet to see and feel quite capable of getting around. Over the weekend I went hiking with another volunteer in a place called Haputale and in 24 hours we walked and climbed about 15 kilometers..pretty good. There has also been a flurry of emails among my old Mt. Sinai classmates and I seem to be one of the few without any replaced parts!
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