Sunday, October 31, 2010

good and bad

Baby (my kitten) had her tubes tied on Wednesday.  On Saturday I opened the door and she is now free to come and go as she chooses.  So far, she is not leaving the property but we'll see.  i actually felt bad that I was never letting her have any babies but the internet says sterilizing female cats keeps them from getting breast cancer so as with everything else in life, I can choose to feel bad for her or good for her!  Same with myself; I can feel bad about old, neurotic things or interactions with people who are not as nice as they should be or I can feel good knowing that I am here doing what I am and let myself be.
  I must say, I felt bad not being able to be at the Jon Stewart rally yesterday but I did watch it on the internet which was good except that it stopped and started so much, I missed a lot which was bad. What am I talking about..I don't know. Work feels sort of stuck and I am talking to the powers that be at VSO about maybe just adding a little by going to other places if they need on occasion. Additionally, I am trying to make sure that even if I do little here in terms of helping the Mental Health system, I get to see the country I am living in.  I have now been to the East coast 2 times, once to the beach in Trincomalee and once to Arugam Bay.  This weekend I am going to Batticoloa also to a beach and to visit another volunteer who lives there.  Until very recently, since I have been here, we were not allowed to travel to the East  because of the war.  The restriction to Batti was on when I arrived.  I feel fortunate that I can now go. We are still not allowed to travel to the North, Jaffna, I think because they don't want us to see the DPC (displaced persons camps) that still exist.  the government is actually making it hard on all the NGOs including us to get our residency Visas; so now, VSO has to apply every 2 months for each of us, it is a full time job just doing that for 26 people all here at different times.  Anyway,  I have loved the East coast.  The beaches are lovely of course and I will have managed to see all three before it is out of season; but more, the most wonderful people live in the East, mostly Muslims or Tamils.  Pretty much everyone in those communities speak english and are so friendly and helpful.  All of Sri Lanka is like that but it is more so there.  What really saves this place for me is the people.  Sri Lankans are sweet, kind people.  That is good.  What is bad as I've said before is the lack of counseling available.  People just don't talk about problems here.  They literally smile as they tell you something awful.  They commit suicide as I've said.  It is better to die than to let someone think you are angry with them. Even worse would be to yell at someone who is making you angry.  There is no processing of feelings.  What is good (I am back to this..) is that people in the know are starting to talk about the problems more and even want to have community workers go into the villages and identify issues..it will change over time but this is a country where a 17 year old girl will take poison if her parents say she can't see a boy rather than arguing or discussing even.  The other day, an 18 yo took an overdose of the equivalent of aspirin because she thought her parents didn't like her boy, 2 years ago when they really didn't like a boy she also took an overdose; this time, fearing her daughter was dead, the mother swallowed poison.  The mother is only 34years old.  When it is determined that it was "just impulsive" like the mom, no hospitalization in psych.  The daughter was admitted.  In Sri Lanka if you go out with someone, a boy and girl date, it is called a love affair.  They are having a love affair, they are having an affair..sex is not included or expected or approved of.  It is about dating only.  The sexual attacks on girls by boys in schools however,  is going up.  I think it is because boys are seeing sex.  Although few have computers, fewer still the internet, there are places you can go to get access to the internet and boys, using it much more, are getting much more exposure to sex let alone pornography.  All this is going to have to be dealt with here, as I have said, for good and bad Sri Lankans live like in the '50s but the world is creeping in with all the advances and all the horrors .  
Can you imagine this:  One day I went to visit one of our doctors and his wife who is also a doctor.  Their baby is about 3 months.  I noticed the baby was not in a diaper, just some little panties.  I asked about it and was told that except for at the very beginning, they don't use nappies!  After 2 or 3 months the baby is put on the bed every morning at the same time and has a BM on a towel or something.  Peeing happens whenever.  I said but you get all wet, she said diapers give terrible rashes to babies, we can change the baby and our clothes.  Why would we want our babies to have to suffer!  Isn't that amazing and wonderful.  I wonder if it will change, I hope not.  
Oy, I just had to go and rescue Baby from under a roof where she went when the monsoon came before!  She is not good!!!! Why didn't she come home when I called her before the rains!! children

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Snorkeling inside and out!

     To get to Trincomalee took 2 buses, first, 4 hours to Kandy and then 5 hours to Trinco. That cost a total of $3.50 which is why there is no money to fix or buy new buses but also allows SLs to travel a lot. In many families, even among the doctors, the home base is one town but work is another.  It can take 7 to 9 hours to get home periodically and this is the usual way people live.   Nilaveli Beach was my first destination and was lovely. It is supposed to be the nicest beach in Sri Lanka and has been unreachable for years both because of the Tsunami but more so because of the 30 year war between the Singhala people and the Tamils who mostly live in the north and east of the country.  It is a wide beach but not georgeous like the Carribean or Hawaii. The place I stayed was so friendly, really expensive for here $67.50 a night with hot water, AC (both an unexpected plus ), breakfast and dinner.  The boat to get to Pigeon island to snorkel, $13.50.
     I snorkeled for hours (my painful, peeling back can testify). Great coral considering the Tsunami that wiped out so much of this beach not long ago and day trippers who walk all over it.  Not that many fish but good variety.  Always when I snorkel, I feel like I am floating and thin and non existent to the fish.  I am an unseen visitor.  That's how I felt being there and at the resort, non existent.  There was a point where it started to feel dangerous and difficult to go further while I was snorkeling so I turned back. I realized no one would know for hours if something happened to me.  The boat man would eventually come looking and that got me started  thinking about my life, how frequently I feel invisible.  I am not saying this with judgement or poor me, I think I'm stating a fact.  People don't notice people in general, especially if you are sort of ordinary, not flashy, quiet.  For years in NYC I'd see the same people daily and they never noticed me.  As a person alone here or NYC, no one knows where I am most of the time, either place it would be days before it was noticed.  People marvel at what I do by myself and feel I am brave.  Maybe I am but I think what are my options, do nothing because I am alone?  No one to come snorkeling with so don't do it; this activity I have loved since I first did it in 1967 with my friend Dorothy in St. John, Virgin Islands?    That doesn't make sense or feel good.  Some people always find and have mates, friends, lovers; some don't. Life is about living it, as it is, as it unfolds and with as much courage as one can muster. I have learned though, that I don't want to be totally invisible.  I want to live somewhere were people notice if I am home or not, where I am not invisible to the community.  I want a partner, lover, a mate. I can't manufacture one but I can decide where I want to live... SO I had all these thoughts while snorkeling and of course then realized I was missing what I  loved by not being present in the moment! 
      When I came out of the water, a bunch of muslim people had arrived on the little beach of Pigeon Island where the snorkeling was.  3 women where totally in black, standing in the water a little.  2 had their faces covered except for their eyes (in Badulla there is one woman who wears a black veil over her face, black gloves and black shoes and socks).  Anyway, by the time I left, the 3 women were up to their necks in the water but veils stayed in place!  Love and respect for G-d is what I've been told.  BTW, if I haven't said before, the muslims here generally are more educated, speak beautiful english and are very sweet and gracious to me.  Part of the joy I get daily is walking on this little side lane on which mostly muslims live.  Everyone greets me and the children, speaking in english love to chat.  You can't judge a book by it's cover! Anyway, I keep digressing.  The rest of my stay in Trinco was such a treat, there is another volunteer here named Asela, she is Philippina and we had a couple of terrific days seeing the sites of this lovely town.  We even got all wet at the hot springs visited by the locals who see the springs as a holy site. (pictures on facebook).
     On a totally separate note, I have lost one of each of my favorite earings.  I have owned these earings for 25 to 35years and never lost one.  What is that about?