good and bad

Baby (my kitten) had her tubes tied on Wednesday.  On Saturday I opened the door and she is now free to come and go as she chooses.  So far, she is not leaving the property but we'll see.  i actually felt bad that I was never letting her have any babies but the internet says sterilizing female cats keeps them from getting breast cancer so as with everything else in life, I can choose to feel bad for her or good for her!  Same with myself; I can feel bad about old, neurotic things or interactions with people who are not as nice as they should be or I can feel good knowing that I am here doing what I am and let myself be.
  I must say, I felt bad not being able to be at the Jon Stewart rally yesterday but I did watch it on the internet which was good except that it stopped and started so much, I missed a lot which was bad. What am I talking about..I don't know. Work feels sort of stuck and I am talking to the powers that be at VSO about maybe just adding a little by going to other places if they need on occasion. Additionally, I am trying to make sure that even if I do little here in terms of helping the Mental Health system, I get to see the country I am living in.  I have now been to the East coast 2 times, once to the beach in Trincomalee and once to Arugam Bay.  This weekend I am going to Batticoloa also to a beach and to visit another volunteer who lives there.  Until very recently, since I have been here, we were not allowed to travel to the East  because of the war.  The restriction to Batti was on when I arrived.  I feel fortunate that I can now go. We are still not allowed to travel to the North, Jaffna, I think because they don't want us to see the DPC (displaced persons camps) that still exist.  the government is actually making it hard on all the NGOs including us to get our residency Visas; so now, VSO has to apply every 2 months for each of us, it is a full time job just doing that for 26 people all here at different times.  Anyway,  I have loved the East coast.  The beaches are lovely of course and I will have managed to see all three before it is out of season; but more, the most wonderful people live in the East, mostly Muslims or Tamils.  Pretty much everyone in those communities speak english and are so friendly and helpful.  All of Sri Lanka is like that but it is more so there.  What really saves this place for me is the people.  Sri Lankans are sweet, kind people.  That is good.  What is bad as I've said before is the lack of counseling available.  People just don't talk about problems here.  They literally smile as they tell you something awful.  They commit suicide as I've said.  It is better to die than to let someone think you are angry with them. Even worse would be to yell at someone who is making you angry.  There is no processing of feelings.  What is good (I am back to this..) is that people in the know are starting to talk about the problems more and even want to have community workers go into the villages and identify issues..it will change over time but this is a country where a 17 year old girl will take poison if her parents say she can't see a boy rather than arguing or discussing even.  The other day, an 18 yo took an overdose of the equivalent of aspirin because she thought her parents didn't like her boy, 2 years ago when they really didn't like a boy she also took an overdose; this time, fearing her daughter was dead, the mother swallowed poison.  The mother is only 34years old.  When it is determined that it was "just impulsive" like the mom, no hospitalization in psych.  The daughter was admitted.  In Sri Lanka if you go out with someone, a boy and girl date, it is called a love affair.  They are having a love affair, they are having an affair..sex is not included or expected or approved of.  It is about dating only.  The sexual attacks on girls by boys in schools however,  is going up.  I think it is because boys are seeing sex.  Although few have computers, fewer still the internet, there are places you can go to get access to the internet and boys, using it much more, are getting much more exposure to sex let alone pornography.  All this is going to have to be dealt with here, as I have said, for good and bad Sri Lankans live like in the '50s but the world is creeping in with all the advances and all the horrors .  
Can you imagine this:  One day I went to visit one of our doctors and his wife who is also a doctor.  Their baby is about 3 months.  I noticed the baby was not in a diaper, just some little panties.  I asked about it and was told that except for at the very beginning, they don't use nappies!  After 2 or 3 months the baby is put on the bed every morning at the same time and has a BM on a towel or something.  Peeing happens whenever.  I said but you get all wet, she said diapers give terrible rashes to babies, we can change the baby and our clothes.  Why would we want our babies to have to suffer!  Isn't that amazing and wonderful.  I wonder if it will change, I hope not.  
Oy, I just had to go and rescue Baby from under a roof where she went when the monsoon came before!  She is not good!!!! Why didn't she come home when I called her before the rains!! children