h When I was in Colombo at our mental health meetings last week, it became clearer to me what we are here for. We are supposed to be capacity building, helping the staff here build their capacity to deal with patients, the system, the community in a more client centered way. I have been approached by several staff of different disciplines asking many questions and wanting to learn from me. My approach has been a more mentoring one which I think is best. I have informed staff that I am ready and available to meet with them as groups regularly and they need to approach the powers that be to make that happen. I have stopped asking to set up meetings that don't happen.
It is interesting though, this capacity building idea because I realized that it is a skill I myself am not great at and I think has gotten me in emotional trouble throughout my life. Last week a friend asked to join me and Lieve to go to Nuwara Eliya next week. We said sure and then I said, I'll call the hotel and try to get a room etc. Lieve asked why I didn't give Nadia, our friend the name and number of the place and let her call and get the information herself! Now isn't that interesting that that never occurred to me? Duh as they say. This makes perfect sense and is capacity building for Nadia but for me too! When I was in therapy with wonderful Betty she used to ask me why I did certain favors for Mari and I would say because I can, the place is close to my work etc. I never understood what she meant, what was the big deal. I get it now. In a way it is operating from the self out with the idea of assisting others but not taking over for them. Everyone get's taken care of that way with no resentment.
In a way, I am learning to take responsibility for myself this week as I prepare for these 4 hours of presentations I have to do for the health workers on the tea estates. I have gathered information from many people, it is great but not quite what I need, I have to prepare it, I have to present it. I am a person who doesn't always know what she thinks until she starts to talk. I am sure what I say is based on knowledge and ideas I have had but I really don't have a lot of experience preparing an actual lecture or workshop. Well no one is doing this for me, I am being forced to capacity build, I think this is one of the reasons I am here for, the next step in my maturity as a person, taking full responsibility for my own capacities or lack of!
How ironic, I just got an email that said, " "Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others" The Buddha
Monday, March 22, 2010
Friday, March 19, 2010
My new favorite Priest
So, the trip by bus was so horrible going to Colombo this time that I decided I would take the long train trip home, at least the scenery is beautiful (til I did it again..ugh 12 hours!). I asked Evelyn, the secretary at VSO to call the train station for me and make a reservation. This is how others have done it. When she called she was told now I must go to the station and buy my ticket. So late in the afternoon, I jumped into a tuk tuk and took the 300rupee trip (almost $3..a lot) to the station. When I arrived there and figured out where to buy a ticket for the reserved train, different place then unreserved, I am told that tickets can only be purchased between 6am and 2pm daily. This is very typical for here, not being told more then you ask. Don't forget that Evelyn called and spoke Sinhala. Anyway, I was a bit annoyed but.. hey..so I went outside and decided to take the bus back because I was not spending that kind of money on a tuk tuk. So I went back into the station and asked the man were I get the bus. He told me and then happened to mention that I could see what trains still had reservations available by turning around and looking at this huge board. It turned out that for the entire weekend, there was only one train left having seats so I knew I had better get to the station early the next morning.
In the meanwhile I have 2 plans I needed to get back across town for, so I jumped on the bus in the Fort area where the train station is and a few blocks along my phone rang. It is Father Patrick, my friend that I was meeting that eve. for dinner. He said, can you come to the Fort, there is an AA meeting happening now and they would like to meet you. (this is about Patrick helping me to find people to start an AA meeting in Badulla where we have terrible alcohol/spousal abuse problems). Of course this was amazing because I was in the Fort which I never am, so I jumped off the bus, never paid, and walked back to this Catholic building I didn't know existed and went to an AA meeting. After the meeting Patrick said he will be another hour he was giving a lecture. The lecture was in English so of course I asked to sit in. Patrick is the head of the counseling service for families in this area (he is an analyst as well as a priest). The church gives a 6 month very extensive course to volunteers from the community in how to counsel couples and families. He said "you can sit in, better you can give a lecture on mental illness and how to deal with couples with an ill member" and proceeded to introduce me! Needless to say, I had to stand up and do something so I talked for about an hour. I did explain mental illness but I also told them about what I thought was important for them to know about doing couples therapy. Interestingly, most of the questions were about how to handle mentally disturbed children, in the family, classroom, in general. They have little treatment available for children and many of these volunteers are school teachers who have to handle the children and families. Sex was actually a big issue.
Anyway, after that it was already 8:30pm and Patrick suggested we eat upstairs where there is a priests' residence. After the shock of being allowed even invited into this holy place, I said yes. I wish I had had a tape recorder. I had one of the most fun and funniest evenings I can remember. There were 4 priests. 2 were quieter but very pleasant and welcoming. Patrick is delightful and lively and has lived in NYC, he is a wonderful connecting bridge for me between the two cultures since he is Sri Lankan. The 4th priest was Father Peter. He has a very dry, humorous wit and we hit it off immediately. I talked with him about everything and he with me. We laughed and teased each other like crazy, he now tells me I better not die in SL because I haven't told him what to do with me and after all he is a priest. (Today he said he'd give my body to science if I insisted on dying here). He told riotous stories about living in Texas and the bible wielding holier than thou people. We talked about gays and lesbians in SL and mostly he validated so many thoughts I have had about this government and even buddhist monks here. We talked about my ticket dilemma too and he offered to go in the morning and bring me the ticket and he really did show up at VSO at 4pm the next afternoon, ticket in hand.
When I had gotten on the bus to go to Colombo there was a very lovely moslem couple, who where from Badulla but had lived in the middle east. I knew they were moslems because she wore a head scarf. There names are Rumaiza and Siraj. We talked a lot, we shared food and we all said we would like meet in Badulla. Yesterday they called and invited me to dinner. I have spoken to Peter who will be nearby in April, this too is typical of Sri Lanka, I truly have 3 new friends.
In the meanwhile I have 2 plans I needed to get back across town for, so I jumped on the bus in the Fort area where the train station is and a few blocks along my phone rang. It is Father Patrick, my friend that I was meeting that eve. for dinner. He said, can you come to the Fort, there is an AA meeting happening now and they would like to meet you. (this is about Patrick helping me to find people to start an AA meeting in Badulla where we have terrible alcohol/spousal abuse problems). Of course this was amazing because I was in the Fort which I never am, so I jumped off the bus, never paid, and walked back to this Catholic building I didn't know existed and went to an AA meeting. After the meeting Patrick said he will be another hour he was giving a lecture. The lecture was in English so of course I asked to sit in. Patrick is the head of the counseling service for families in this area (he is an analyst as well as a priest). The church gives a 6 month very extensive course to volunteers from the community in how to counsel couples and families. He said "you can sit in, better you can give a lecture on mental illness and how to deal with couples with an ill member" and proceeded to introduce me! Needless to say, I had to stand up and do something so I talked for about an hour. I did explain mental illness but I also told them about what I thought was important for them to know about doing couples therapy. Interestingly, most of the questions were about how to handle mentally disturbed children, in the family, classroom, in general. They have little treatment available for children and many of these volunteers are school teachers who have to handle the children and families. Sex was actually a big issue.
Anyway, after that it was already 8:30pm and Patrick suggested we eat upstairs where there is a priests' residence. After the shock of being allowed even invited into this holy place, I said yes. I wish I had had a tape recorder. I had one of the most fun and funniest evenings I can remember. There were 4 priests. 2 were quieter but very pleasant and welcoming. Patrick is delightful and lively and has lived in NYC, he is a wonderful connecting bridge for me between the two cultures since he is Sri Lankan. The 4th priest was Father Peter. He has a very dry, humorous wit and we hit it off immediately. I talked with him about everything and he with me. We laughed and teased each other like crazy, he now tells me I better not die in SL because I haven't told him what to do with me and after all he is a priest. (Today he said he'd give my body to science if I insisted on dying here). He told riotous stories about living in Texas and the bible wielding holier than thou people. We talked about gays and lesbians in SL and mostly he validated so many thoughts I have had about this government and even buddhist monks here. We talked about my ticket dilemma too and he offered to go in the morning and bring me the ticket and he really did show up at VSO at 4pm the next afternoon, ticket in hand.
When I had gotten on the bus to go to Colombo there was a very lovely moslem couple, who where from Badulla but had lived in the middle east. I knew they were moslems because she wore a head scarf. There names are Rumaiza and Siraj. We talked a lot, we shared food and we all said we would like meet in Badulla. Yesterday they called and invited me to dinner. I have spoken to Peter who will be nearby in April, this too is typical of Sri Lanka, I truly have 3 new friends.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Musing and more..
I just had a lovely afternoon. I spent time on the ward with 2 of my favorite nurses who were covering from 1pm on. They and one other nurse are my favorites because they are excellent with the patients, they don't get annoyed with them or try to get rid of them, they care about them, they are good psych nurses. They are also the most curious, wanting to know about me, about traveling about life outside of Sri Lanka. They share a tremendous amount with me especially about family and money, the two major worries and stressors of most Sri Lankans that I meet. Women have little life here after marriage, husband, home, cooking, children, work, extended family. There is little time and frequently little money for other things. Anyway, Samantha and Roshanie are their names (the third is Laxmie..eat with your right hand nurse). We all have very good senses of humor and I do believe we are all genuinely fond of each other. Maybe what we shall bring to each other is a desire to know more, learn more and make more of what they want, happen.
As I walked home, it was later then usual and the little lane I walk along from the hospital, had kids in many front yards. They were so happy and talked to me so easily, one little boy started explaining in English! what he was doing with a stick. It just felt so sweet. I am still a novelty to children and they look at me with wonder then I smile and they smile and then they tell mommy and everyone smiles.
Last week I had a day I loved going out on home visits with the nurses to areas that are so beautiful on or near certain tea estates. This is the area where I wanted to fix up two 90 year olds and after seeing them again, I am convinced an effort should be made in this direction! The area is called Demodara. This was the last home visit with Mahendra, the only trained MH nurse who has now left to live elsewhere. For me it has been a joy to go out and see the beauty of the countryside, marvel at how they find these patients down little alleys, up big mountains, along railroad tracks and now many of them know me and I feel so privileged to know them and their families. I am giving up the issue of privacy mostly for patients on the ward and elsewhere because this is not an issue here. Lankans do not for whatever cultural reasons, care about being private or keeping secrets in that way. Very few houses have doors on the inside. Covering the doors are curtains. It reminds me of that movie with Kevin Cosner where he lived with Indians and 20 of them lived in the same tent and they just expected each other to respect their space like when they were having sex. Our social worker, Nilantha, who is fantastic and kind, told me the story of the village he lives in, his parents live in, lots of neighbors and he said sometimes after lunch he and his wife might want to nap but the door is always open and if someone comes in you offer tea, that's the way it is. Family, neighbors, group support is a basic part of the culture.
The last time I wrote about ignorance and OK I'm admitting, I am the ignorant, judgmental one of west and east. I used to think of my mouth sometimes as being a bull in a china shop; over the years I have worked very hard on this, now I feel like I am a bull in a china shop but it is mostly in my head! I am fortunate that my head is so hard or I would have a massive headache. I remembered Jay Leno being on the street and asking questions and the amount of people who don't know basics of the country or the world. I was incensed before I left at a friend of mine who said that I might try to push my ideas, being white , down the throats of these minorities. I am realizing that although I don't want to come in with my ideas and push them on the people here in some ways it just happens and is pushed on me. I am seen as more important, being white is prized. This is why I am confused about what to do here because who says my way is better and so much is subjective. There are somethings like broken shards of glass in a window on the psychiatric ward that are dangerous anywhere and that I felt I needed to push, however, they had been there a year apparently, that's when a request was put in to get rid of them, and no one had tried to kill themselves. The SL way of suicide is usually poison. So in many ways, and please I am not being modest, I think I'm full of shit (not literally at all). So much of what they do here is good and our way isn't. Some things do need to change. No matter where in the world one is, a hugely high suicide rate of women who are abused because their husbands drink because they are so poor, anywhere, that issue can use improvement and help is wanted for that.
I just finished reading such a wonderful, enlightening book called: CRAZY LIKE US by Ethan Watters. It is basically about how the West (US, GB) have pushed our way with drugs but also with diagnoses on the East, taking no account of the differences in cultures. One chapter is about Sri Lanka and the diagnosis of PTSD after the Tsunami and the war...fascinating. I am exploring the issue with our doctors but language is so hard so it is slow going..speaking of which I found and unfound a translator. I had 2 posters made in Sinhalese and Tamil for the support staff saying essentially to care for the patients in the way you care for yourself or family. I was going to use these when I had my first meeting with the staff, of course this has yet to happen but some day..also the translator is not the right person for the job.
Tomorrow I go back to Colombo to discuss what my first 2 months or so in Badulla have been like. I intend to talk about what I am confused about, what I can do and what I can't or am unwilling to do. I realized in the states i was always ranting about how much I hate development. In upstate NY they removed mountains to build shopping malls and the charm of old America is eked away but progress. I don't want to be part of breaking down the family and group structure. It is good. Schizophrenia is a less scary illness here then in the states. Families take care of their sick. i think i shall find good helpful ways of being without ramming anything down the throats of anybody and they just spit it out anyway!
So what has been important to me this week: I bought a fitted sheet, it makes a major difference, I am going to Colombo and going to a classical music concert, I looked at the gowns of movie stars on the internet after the Oscars (Penelope Cruz wins hands down as usual), I love my new oven, I have taken to walking the streets of Badulla again (I was doing it less) and feel much more connected. I feel happy today.
As I walked home, it was later then usual and the little lane I walk along from the hospital, had kids in many front yards. They were so happy and talked to me so easily, one little boy started explaining in English! what he was doing with a stick. It just felt so sweet. I am still a novelty to children and they look at me with wonder then I smile and they smile and then they tell mommy and everyone smiles.
Last week I had a day I loved going out on home visits with the nurses to areas that are so beautiful on or near certain tea estates. This is the area where I wanted to fix up two 90 year olds and after seeing them again, I am convinced an effort should be made in this direction! The area is called Demodara. This was the last home visit with Mahendra, the only trained MH nurse who has now left to live elsewhere. For me it has been a joy to go out and see the beauty of the countryside, marvel at how they find these patients down little alleys, up big mountains, along railroad tracks and now many of them know me and I feel so privileged to know them and their families. I am giving up the issue of privacy mostly for patients on the ward and elsewhere because this is not an issue here. Lankans do not for whatever cultural reasons, care about being private or keeping secrets in that way. Very few houses have doors on the inside. Covering the doors are curtains. It reminds me of that movie with Kevin Cosner where he lived with Indians and 20 of them lived in the same tent and they just expected each other to respect their space like when they were having sex. Our social worker, Nilantha, who is fantastic and kind, told me the story of the village he lives in, his parents live in, lots of neighbors and he said sometimes after lunch he and his wife might want to nap but the door is always open and if someone comes in you offer tea, that's the way it is. Family, neighbors, group support is a basic part of the culture.
The last time I wrote about ignorance and OK I'm admitting, I am the ignorant, judgmental one of west and east. I used to think of my mouth sometimes as being a bull in a china shop; over the years I have worked very hard on this, now I feel like I am a bull in a china shop but it is mostly in my head! I am fortunate that my head is so hard or I would have a massive headache. I remembered Jay Leno being on the street and asking questions and the amount of people who don't know basics of the country or the world. I was incensed before I left at a friend of mine who said that I might try to push my ideas, being white , down the throats of these minorities. I am realizing that although I don't want to come in with my ideas and push them on the people here in some ways it just happens and is pushed on me. I am seen as more important, being white is prized. This is why I am confused about what to do here because who says my way is better and so much is subjective. There are somethings like broken shards of glass in a window on the psychiatric ward that are dangerous anywhere and that I felt I needed to push, however, they had been there a year apparently, that's when a request was put in to get rid of them, and no one had tried to kill themselves. The SL way of suicide is usually poison. So in many ways, and please I am not being modest, I think I'm full of shit (not literally at all). So much of what they do here is good and our way isn't. Some things do need to change. No matter where in the world one is, a hugely high suicide rate of women who are abused because their husbands drink because they are so poor, anywhere, that issue can use improvement and help is wanted for that.
I just finished reading such a wonderful, enlightening book called: CRAZY LIKE US by Ethan Watters. It is basically about how the West (US, GB) have pushed our way with drugs but also with diagnoses on the East, taking no account of the differences in cultures. One chapter is about Sri Lanka and the diagnosis of PTSD after the Tsunami and the war...fascinating. I am exploring the issue with our doctors but language is so hard so it is slow going..speaking of which I found and unfound a translator. I had 2 posters made in Sinhalese and Tamil for the support staff saying essentially to care for the patients in the way you care for yourself or family. I was going to use these when I had my first meeting with the staff, of course this has yet to happen but some day..also the translator is not the right person for the job.
Tomorrow I go back to Colombo to discuss what my first 2 months or so in Badulla have been like. I intend to talk about what I am confused about, what I can do and what I can't or am unwilling to do. I realized in the states i was always ranting about how much I hate development. In upstate NY they removed mountains to build shopping malls and the charm of old America is eked away but progress. I don't want to be part of breaking down the family and group structure. It is good. Schizophrenia is a less scary illness here then in the states. Families take care of their sick. i think i shall find good helpful ways of being without ramming anything down the throats of anybody and they just spit it out anyway!
So what has been important to me this week: I bought a fitted sheet, it makes a major difference, I am going to Colombo and going to a classical music concert, I looked at the gowns of movie stars on the internet after the Oscars (Penelope Cruz wins hands down as usual), I love my new oven, I have taken to walking the streets of Badulla again (I was doing it less) and feel much more connected. I feel happy today.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
