Capacity Building

h       When I was in Colombo at our mental health meetings last week, it became clearer to me what we are here for.  We are supposed to be capacity building, helping the staff here build their capacity to deal with patients, the system, the community in a more client centered way.  I have been approached by several staff of different disciplines asking many questions and wanting to learn from me.  My approach has been a more mentoring one which I think is best.  I have informed staff that I am ready and available to meet with them as groups regularly and they need to approach the powers that be to make that happen.  I have stopped asking to set up meetings that don't happen. 
      It is interesting though, this capacity building idea because I realized that it is a skill I myself am not great at and I think has gotten me in emotional trouble throughout my life.  Last week a friend asked to join me and Lieve to go to Nuwara Eliya next week.  We said sure and then I said, I'll call the hotel and try to get a room etc.  Lieve asked why I didn't give Nadia, our friend the name and number of the place and let her call and get the information herself!  Now isn't that interesting that that never occurred to me? Duh as they say.   This makes perfect sense and is capacity building for Nadia but for me too!  When I was in therapy with wonderful Betty she used to ask me why I did certain favors for Mari and I would say because I can, the place is close to my work etc.  I never understood what she meant, what was the big deal.  I get it now.  In a way it is operating from the self out with the idea of assisting others but not taking over for them. Everyone get's taken care of that way with no resentment.
     In a way, I am learning to take responsibility for myself this week as I prepare for these 4 hours of presentations I have to do for the health workers on the tea estates.  I have gathered information from many people, it is great but not quite what I need, I have to prepare it, I have to present it.  I am a person who doesn't always know what she thinks until she starts to talk.  I am sure what I say is based on knowledge and ideas I have had but I really don't have a lot of experience preparing an actual lecture or workshop.   Well no one is doing this for me, I am being forced to capacity build, I think this is one of the reasons I am here for, the next step in my maturity as a person, taking full responsibility for my own capacities or lack of! 
     How ironic, I just got an email that said, "    "Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others"  The Buddha