Musing and more..

     I just had a lovely afternoon.  I spent time on the ward with 2 of my favorite nurses who were covering from 1pm on.  They and one other nurse are my favorites because they are excellent with the patients, they don't get annoyed with them or try to get rid of them, they care about them, they are good psych nurses.  They are also the most curious, wanting to know about me, about traveling about life outside of Sri Lanka.  They share a tremendous amount with me especially about family and money, the two major worries and stressors of most Sri Lankans that I meet.  Women have little life here after marriage, husband, home, cooking, children, work, extended family.  There is little time and frequently little money for other things.  Anyway, Samantha and Roshanie are their names (the third is Laxmie..eat with your right hand nurse). We all have very good senses of humor and I do believe we are all genuinely fond of each other.  Maybe what we shall bring to each other is a desire to know more, learn more and make more of what they want, happen.
As I walked home, it was later then usual and the little lane I walk along from the hospital, had kids in many front yards. They were so happy and talked to me so easily, one little boy started explaining in English! what he was doing with a stick.  It just felt so sweet.  I am still a novelty to children and they look at me with wonder then I smile and they smile and then they tell mommy and everyone smiles.  
     Last week I had a day I loved going out on home visits with the nurses to areas that are so beautiful on or near certain tea estates.  This is the area where I wanted to fix up two 90 year olds and after seeing them again, I am convinced an effort should be made in this direction!  The area is called Demodara.  This was the last home visit with Mahendra, the only trained MH nurse who has now left to live elsewhere. For me it has been a joy to go out and see the beauty of the countryside, marvel at how they find these patients down little alleys, up big mountains, along railroad tracks and now many of them know me and I feel so privileged to know them and their families. I am giving up the issue of privacy mostly for patients on the ward and elsewhere because this is not an issue here.  Lankans do not for whatever cultural reasons, care about being private or keeping secrets in that way.  Very few houses have doors on the inside.  Covering the doors are curtains.  It reminds me of that movie with Kevin Cosner where he lived with Indians and 20 of them lived in the same tent and they just expected each other to respect their space like when they were having sex.  Our social worker, Nilantha, who is fantastic and kind, told me the story of the village he lives in, his parents live in, lots of neighbors and he said sometimes after lunch he and his wife might want to nap but the door is always open and if someone comes in you offer tea, that's the way it is. Family, neighbors, group support is a basic part of the culture. 
     The last time I wrote about ignorance and OK I'm admitting, I am the ignorant, judgmental one of west and east. I used to think of my mouth sometimes as being a bull in a china shop; over the years I have worked very hard on this, now I feel like I am a bull in a china shop but it is mostly in my head!  I am fortunate that my head is so hard or I would have a massive headache.  I remembered Jay Leno being on the street and asking questions and the amount of people who don't know basics of the country or the world. I was incensed before I left at a friend of mine who said that I might try to push my ideas, being white , down the throats of these minorities. I am realizing that although I don't want to come in with my ideas and push them on the people here in some ways it just happens and is pushed on me.  I am seen as more important, being white is prized.  This is why I am confused about what to do here because who says my way is better and so much is subjective.  There are somethings like broken shards of glass in a window on the psychiatric ward that are dangerous anywhere and that I felt I needed to push, however, they had been there a year apparently, that's when a request was put in to get rid of them, and no one had tried to kill themselves.  The SL way of suicide is usually poison.  So in many ways, and please I am not being modest, I think I'm full of shit (not literally at all).  So much of what they do here is good and our way isn't.  Some things do need to change.  No matter where in the world one is, a hugely high suicide rate of women who are abused because their husbands drink because they are so poor, anywhere, that issue can use improvement and help is wanted for that.
I just finished reading such a wonderful, enlightening book called:  CRAZY LIKE US by Ethan Watters.  It is basically about how the West (US, GB) have pushed our way with drugs but also with diagnoses on the East, taking no account of the differences in cultures.  One chapter is about Sri Lanka and the diagnosis of PTSD after the Tsunami and the war...fascinating.  I am exploring the issue with our doctors but language is so hard so it is slow going..speaking of which I found and unfound a translator.  I had 2 posters made in Sinhalese and Tamil for the support staff saying essentially to care for the patients in the way you care for yourself or family.  I was going to use these when I had my first meeting with the staff, of course this has yet to happen but some day..also the translator is not the right person for the job.
     Tomorrow I go back to Colombo to discuss what my first 2 months or so in Badulla have been like.  I intend to talk about what I am confused about, what I can do and what I can't or am unwilling to do.  I realized in the states i was always ranting about how much I hate development.  In upstate NY they removed mountains to build shopping malls and the charm of old America is eked away but progress.  I don't want to be part of breaking down the family and group structure.  It is good.  Schizophrenia is a less scary illness here then in the states.  Families take care of their sick.  i think i shall find good helpful ways of being without ramming anything down the throats of anybody and they just spit it out anyway!
     So what has been important to me this week:  I bought a fitted sheet, it makes a major difference, I am going to Colombo and going to a classical music concert, I looked at the gowns of movie stars on the internet after the Oscars (Penelope Cruz wins hands down as usual), I love my new oven, I have taken to walking the streets of Badulla again (I was doing it less) and feel much more connected.  I feel happy today.