Sunday, May 15, 2011

I'm over it!

    Okay, I am over it.  I got so much feedback basically reminding me that I am taking this PERSONALLY. It is totally true.  I fell into this subjective place where I made myself the center and got so disappointed and angry as if the future of this place is good or bad because of me!  I lost perspective.  One volunteer sent me this and I think it is so wonderful as a reminder to everyone:
  "There once was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work. One day he was walking along the shore, as he looked down the beach, he saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself to think of someone who would dance to the day and he began to walk faster to catch up.
As he got closer, he saw that it was a young man, and the young man wasn’t dancing, but instead he was reaching down to the shore, picking up something, and very gently throwing it into the ocean.
He called out, “Good morning, what are you doing?”
The young man paused, looked up and replied, “Throwing starfish into the ocean.”
“I guess I should have asked: WHY are you throwing starfish in the ocean?”
“The sun is up and the tide is going out. And if I don’t throw them then they’ll die.”
“But, young man, don’t you realize that there are miles and miles of beach and starfish all along it. There must be thousands of them on this beach alone. You can’t possibly hope to make a difference!”
The young man listened politely, then bent down, picked up another starfish and threw it into the sea, past the breaking waves and said, “To THAT one, it made a difference.” "
     Actually, even hoping my presence made a difference to one starfish is still personalizing it but it is a wonderful story!  I can look back over this time, which I have done little of yet, but looking back over the times that I got a bit blue or angry or teary and I think it was when I got off center of what I was here to do.  I personalized.  Such a good lesson to hold onto. I asked 8 or 9 of the staff to evaluate me, VSO sent reference forms.  I asked some nurses, doctors, MSW, support staff to write them. 2 of the staff said my resilienceh was good rather then excellent because of my behavior around the bars being put up.  It was so unSri Lankan to have an emotional reaction and to talk about it for 2 days!  I have a list of things I still hoped to talk to the Consultant Psychiatrist and the new Master about.  I am not sure I shall talk to them now.  None of it is new, hasn't been said, it is stuff more to remind them..I am going to redo the posters that I had done in the beginning for  all the staff and hope they will put them up where they will see them but that is up to them.  The posters said:
TREAT PATIENTS WITH DIGNITY, RESPECT, EQUALITY AND AFFECTION AS YOU WOULD A LOVED ONE.  
     I am getting ready to go in the same organized way that I got ready to come.  I already shipped over 50 pounds of "stuff" so I really don't have that much to organize.  I have reports to write and things to complete and a bit of sorting so I am doing something each day to move forward.
     One of the nurses asked me if I had seen the lanterns one of the patients was making on his own.  She said as soon as he started making them he became normal.  Having an activity made such a difference!  Maybe one starfish?
      

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