I am always doing something wrong...

     I am always doing something wrong here around eating.  The hospital staff I work with, particularly the nurses but also the OT are usually finding something wrong with the way I eat.  As I told you, I was using the wrong hand (BTW, at home, by myself, I use my left hand), I was not gathering my food properly, I held a banana in my hand instead of holding from the peel on the outside, I did not wash my hands immediately before eating (this I find hilarious considering there is hardly any soap anywhere and they don't wash from patient to patient!)  The latest faux pas was yesterday when we were all sharing a meal and Laxmi, a nurse I am very fond of, said as I licked my fingers, "in our culture, we do not lick our fingers!"
     Many years ago, in the 60s, I saw a film and later read the book, "Woman in the Dunes".  It is Japanese, very slow moving and at first viewing, frightening.  I think about that film a lot.  It was very existential at the time (still is I'm sure) but at some point I realized how well it fits into a Buddhist philosophy of mindfulness, of being present wherever you are.  I wrote that I am were I am and that is true, I am not thinking about my home and my things, films or theater.  I feel I am fully living here.  That doesn't mean I am always were I am though!  I still struggle with my mind about people and life and go off in my head just like everybody else. I really miss my Sangha, my meditation group that I went to every Tuesday eve.  It's weird, this is a Buddhist country but Buddhism is so ritualized here that it is like a form of religion and I haven't had time to investigate places I might go to sit that would feel ok to me.  However, very weird, the monks have cell phones and the average person does not meditate!!!!
     Today is a holiday here.  There are many holidays in Sri Lanka.  People tell you laughingly how many holidays there are and how they enjoy them.  I guess I was thinking about the film because I am home today just being home.  I do think a lot about work.  I was feeling bad because things they need, I don't really know how to do like writing a training program.  I think I could carry one out with the help of others.  I did contact some other mental health volunteers and one of them had an entire program so she sent it to me.  I also got lots of great material from friends who teach in the US.  What I really can offer is the years of experience with patients and other ways of treating them.  Someone asked what I meant about people here wouldn't even be admitted in the states.  I did exaggerate a little in that patients here would be in our clinics or with private practitioners but many of them wouldn't be admitted to our hospitals because they are not really suicidal, homicidal or dangerous to themselves or others because of how psychotic they are.  They would be managed with medication and some kind of therapy.  Here many families take care of the mentally ill and that is wonderful.  When the person is more acutely ill than is normal for them, they are brought in.  I have been reading these articles by Ethan Watters which have been in the NYTimes lately about how drug companies market to countries to get them to need their products.  This has not happened here yet.  They can't even get most more modern drugs and run out of needed drugs periodically.  What I can unequivocally say is that the ward is unsafe for patients.  There are parts of windows missing so glass shards are just sticking up in windows.  It is wonderful that patients take care of each other, it is not wonderful how they are not taken care of by those that should protect them.  on the other hand, in the US people would have tried to commit suicide with the glass, here no one seems to notice it!  xI think it is not OK that patients are ignored sometimes and conversations continue while patients sit patiently waiting to be interviewed. This is part of their culture though and our culture is to get all blown up and huffy and annoyed at having to wait.  We are angry a lot, they are not.  They seem a much happier culture in general.  People smile, they are helpful.  Do you know I don't see baby carriages in Sri Lanka!  Babies until about 1 year old are carried.  Sri Lankan people love their children.  Yes most cultures love their children but here the children are so special it seems.  They are held constantly.  Maybe that's why there is less anger in the culture.