I'm over it!

    Okay, I am over it.  I got so much feedback basically reminding me that I am taking this PERSONALLY. It is totally true.  I fell into this subjective place where I made myself the center and got so disappointed and angry as if the future of this place is good or bad because of me!  I lost perspective.  One volunteer sent me this and I think it is so wonderful as a reminder to everyone:
  "There once was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work. One day he was walking along the shore, as he looked down the beach, he saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself to think of someone who would dance to the day and he began to walk faster to catch up.

As he got closer, he saw that it was a young man, and the young man wasn’t dancing, but instead he was reaching down to the shore, picking up something, and very gently throwing it into the ocean.

He called out, “Good morning, what are you doing?”

The young man paused, looked up and replied, “Throwing starfish into the ocean.”

“I guess I should have asked: WHY are you throwing starfish in the ocean?”

“The sun is up and the tide is going out. And if I don’t throw them then they’ll die.”

“But, young man, don’t you realize that there are miles and miles of beach and starfish all along it. There must be thousands of them on this beach alone. You can’t possibly hope to make a difference!”

The young man listened politely, then bent down, picked up another starfish and threw it into the sea, past the breaking waves and said, “To THAT one, it made a difference.” "

     Actually, even hoping my presence made a difference to one starfish is still personalizing it but it is a wonderful story!  I can look back over this time, which I have done little of yet, but looking back over the times that I got a bit blue or angry or teary and I think it was when I got off center of what I was here to do.  I personalized.  Such a good lesson to hold onto. I asked 8 or 9 of the staff to evaluate me, VSO sent reference forms.  I asked some nurses, doctors, MSW, support staff to write them. 2 of the staff said my resilienceh was good rather then excellent because of my behavior around the bars being put up.  It was so unSri Lankan to have an emotional reaction and to talk about it for 2 days!  I have a list of things I still hoped to talk to the Consultant Psychiatrist and the new Master about.  I am not sure I shall talk to them now.  None of it is new, hasn't been said, it is stuff more to remind them..I am going to redo the posters that I had done in the beginning for  all the staff and hope they will put them up where they will see them but that is up to them.  The posters said:

TREAT PATIENTS WITH DIGNITY, RESPECT, EQUALITY AND AFFECTION AS YOU WOULD A LOVED ONE.  

     I am getting ready to go in the same organized way that I got ready to come.  I already shipped over 50 pounds of "stuff" so I really don't have that much to organize.  I have reports to write and things to complete and a bit of sorting so I am doing something each day to move forward.
     One of the nurses asked me if I had seen the lanterns one of the patients was making on his own.  She said as soon as he started making them he became normal.  Having an activity made such a difference!  Maybe one starfish?

      

Heartbroken

     Well a few days ago I said in my blog that I was ambivalent about leaving, now, a few days later, I am not. I am ready to go.  In the last 3 days, literally, the nurses have had constructed, essentially, a prison for the women patients and they had a patient who was due to go home tied to the bed because she was wandering (wanting to go home).  It feels like my work here was a waste if the basic lesson of kindness and empathy for patients has not penetrated.  I have failed in the one way I thought I was successful, and it couldn't be more blatant.    The new Master is a tyrant, half the staff is talking about leaving, our wonderful doctor S. is hoping to transfer to be able to do more community work, our new Community Psychiatric Nurse who was especially selected (basically by me) is not being able to do her work and has asked to leave; she is up at night, not eating, worrying, feels unsupported by the other nurses, she needs to leave. Even our Consultant Psychiatrist, Dr. P, was describing the childish behavior of the other consultants, really like squabbling children and of course that leaves patients without care as passively fight over who is responsible for seeing them.  Little discussion happens between anybody to try to come to a more neutral place, people don't talk about things here, they just act out.  Maybe it is this way everywhere and I am very naive, it is possible I suppose.  I thought I was a realist but maybe I am a hidden idealist so I get so disappointed or maybe I don't understand the culture still, enough, or resistance to change or....
     I can learn new things however.  I have always watched people brushing their teeth and been amazed that they can walk around and not get wet, foamy toothpaste all over the place.  I finally figured out what I do wrong; when I put the toothpaste on the brush, I run it under the water before moving it to my mouth..it's so automatic that now I have to be very conscious not to do it. I am now much neater at brushing and almost as a reward I get fewer ants in my sink if I forget to clean up the toothpaste because there is less of it!
     One of the staff, a guy who politically I am the most connected to, asked me if I wanted a party to celebrate Osama Bin Laden's death.  I was horrified.  In my mind his death can lead to more death as a reaction to his death, I can't celebrate that.  I have recently read this wonderful article about Paul Chappell in my favorite magazine, THE SUN.  He wages peace.  When I get home, I am going to study more about this. This doesn't mean I am against killing when necessary or being strategic to get the bad guys.  It does seem that money, power and greed are behind most bad stuff, for the leaders I really doubt it is religious or political idealism underneath the underneath.
     I finally understand the behavior of one person I work with that for all this time didn't quite make sense to me.  I now understand that without really admitting it or even being conciously aware of it, this person, an Asian, is racist towards whites.  I really am naive.  My landlord this morning asked me about my camera and I was telling him about a shop in town that had cameras for sale, he said no, not there, you can't trust the moslems!  It never ends (the isms).

FUN AND GAMES

     Just heard Osama Bin Laden is dead.  I am glad about that but I am not jumping for joy.  The world feels, America feels, so dangerous to me now..anyway, not what this blog is about today.  I have been putting off writing, not sure why but maybe it has something to do with the fact that all of a sudden I have hardly any time left here.  I don't feel miserable but I don't feel happy.  It is happening too fast.  When I made the decision to leave after 1 1/2 years, I was feeling like it was enough, I had done what I could do and as time went on I must admit, I had done as much as I wanted to do.  Then, I don't know, there is so much to do, I have so many reports to write and meetings to have and things to do, I am running out of time.  I have my e ticket home, I have my final meetings set up at VSO and yesterday, Anne one of the volunteers I am friendly with, offered to have a goodbye party for me at her home in Colombo before I leave and I am thinking, I just had going away parties in the States, it feels like yesterday..Staff here are really sad and I know that it is highly unlikely that I shall ever see these people again and now I am sorry I am not staying until December but I suppose it would feel the same then as it feels now.  Ironically, in the last week I have met several new volunteers who came after January and  I just had an opportunity to spend time with them.  4 of them (2 volunteers and their spouses) are Canadian..finally I felt like I was with people who spoke the same language as me, we had a great time together and well, this is life I suppose..so to cope, I am dangling carrots in front of myself, I have several weeks booked to travel already when I go home as well as James Taylor tickets at Tanglewood.    Oh well, fiddle de de, I shall think about it all in November.
     What I wanted to describe to you is what happened here over the Sinhala and Tamil New Year a couple of weeks ago.  Dr. S. had described to me that in his family meaning parents, wife, siblings, cousins etc. they celebrated by having "fun and games".  He described essentially the kind of games we play with children at birthday parties:  pin the tail on the donkey, greasing poles and trying to climb, ring toss etc.  He was describing adults doing this..doctors..and I so wished I had been invited. (Actually I had been but was in the Maldives that day).  Anyway, that week on the ward I was informed that the Friday program for staff and patients was to celebrate New Years and we were going to have FUN AND GAMES!!!  It was amazing, we played 15 games:  pin the eye on the elephant, fill water bottles with water and drink it, run to balloons and blow them up until they burst, be blindfolded (staff member) and feed yogurt to a patient, potato sack races..you have to imagine staff and patients participating together in this activity in Badulla, Sri Lanka where staff stands when the psychiatrist comes into the room and patients sit and do nothing if the doctors want to suddenly call meetings..it was marvelous.  It reminded me of those old films of 1910 or so at county fairs where life wasn't so busy and complicated and people played games and had picnics.   The greatest part of it though was that even though only 4 staff members not from psychiatry were informed to come to the program, about 50 or more ended up coming because word got around the hospital; even the head Matrons of the hospital showed up.  Also stigma is always a problem in the field of psychiatry and especially at a place like ours and because of holding this activity outside, many families, patients, visitors from other departments could see us and watch how normal the patients were and how we all interacted without fear. Anyway, it was so much fun and we were all adults..how is it that in the west, these activities are only for kids' parties, we are so very sophisticated aren't we.  
     Well it is 10:30 am and I am not at work yet, getting texts asking if I am coming..I shall miss that a lot.  
     

FULL OF IT!

     I informed my dear cousin Helene that I would be apologizing to her publicly in this next blog.  She had shared with me a couple of weeks ago that she was waking in the night, worrying about various issues.  I told her that I didn't wake up worrying, I don't worry about things I can't do anything about, I do think about how to deal with things I can change.  So a week or so after this talk, of course you know..I was awake at 4am feeling sad and disappointed and at wits end about how the new Master (head nurse) who I couldn't wait to take over, is behaving and how wrong I was.  Once again, how many times have I said this now, once again I discover that there is little truth in much of what we are sure of.  Once again I was full of shit.  This is human nature, no?  I am terribly upset and sad, feeling again like maybe my time here was wasted. It has certainly been baby steps if any change has occurred and of course with each new person, it is like starting over again.  I am always assured that there are those that have learned and do things better to ease the suffering of the patients but to look at where things are right now in our psychiatric department, one would not know.  I can say the same for the USA though.  Things seem to have taken a huge step backward in terms of human rights and in the world 14 year old girls are raped and then whipped to death for being raped..I guess I feel quite discouraged by it all and am worried about going home to living a comfortable life where I can choose not to see anything or do anything about it.  What can I  do about it anyway if it is so hard just to get little things done here in this little section of the universe.
Don't get me wrong though, as I titled this FULL OF IT, don't think I am here slaving away and having no fun and working to the bone.  I am pretty hedonistic and have now planned 5 days snorkeling in the Maldives and 4 days at a beach in the south of Sri Lanka where turtles come and lay their eggs..I am not a masochist just suffering away with the problems of the world weighing me down; I am giving myself as many perks as I can have while I am in this part of the world, namely South East Asia.  I am enormously bothered by so much hate that's around though.  I forgot to mention that when I was in Kochi, India, one of the highlights was to take a trip to Jewtown to see this tiny 10 person jewish community that still exists there and see the synagogue.  Well, we went to Jewtown and on that day unfortunately the synagogue was closed so we couldn't go inside.  I was highly disappointed and could have gone back that night.  That afternoon meanwhile, I carefully reread one of the guidebooks it said that when this group of Jews arrived in India from wherever, there were already Jews living in Kochi.  This group however would not mingle with that group because they were actual Indian (DARK SKINNED) Jews!  I didn't go back.  A few days ago I read that in Malaysia which is Sunni Muslim, they do not allow Shiite Muslims to practice their religion..this world is a joke, a joke of I know better, I am right, I am better then you.....
     Here's the difference between me, a middle class woman from America, and a middle class woman from Sri Lanka:  I mentioned in the last blog that $350 was stolen from me on my trip.  I wasn't happy but I essentially wrote it off as a lesson.  2 days ago, a woman was admitted to our ward after taking an overdose because she owes $350 and doesn't know how she will ever pay it.
(As an aside, yesterday this woman was all smiles because her brother gave her the money; I have mentioned before how high the suicide rate is her because people don't talk they just take poison instead!).
     Yesterday I mailed 24KG (53 lbs.) worth of chotskes (stuff)  home and it only cost me 10,075 lkr ($91).  I thought that was pretty good.  We shall see if it arrives..in 2 to 3 months.  I have some books to recommend.  I just finished a book and am longing for the characters, think about them a lot; the book is The Elegance of the Hedgehog.  It is a little preachy at times but I really attached to the people.  The other 2 books are mysteries, just came out here so I don't know if they are available there, but if you have an interest in really understanding what So. East Asia is like they capture it:  Inspector Singh Investigates: by Shamini Flint (the first 2 in the series).
     Oh, before I end..apparently I neglected to mention that I was ending my service here at 18 months which was my assignment (I thought I would extend to 2 years).  My plan is to return to Boston and visit for a while, and then go to the west coast and visit for a while so that I am back in my apartment in November when my tenants leave.  I am seriously thinking of flying to Seattle and then take my time traveling south by train.  Sounds like a fun way to do it and get to see people..and then..we shall see! 

The Misadventures of Nancy Miss

     It feels like I was away for a very long time.  I have been traveling around Sri Lanka and a bit of India with my oldest friend Ruth, my batch mate from Nursing School, as they would say here and her husband Lenny.   Let me say, they were really good sports to come all this way, to a third world country to have very ambitious adventures with me.  None of us realized that for them, it might be quite a trial with traveling exhaustion, extreme heat, terrible roads, very scary, high roads without railings, leeches, snakes (according to one member of our group), not first rate (sometimes less than pristine accommodations), lots of new situations where rolling with the punches is the way to manage etc.  I have learned to pretty much ignore most things that I have no control over.  It might be the heat, it might be the road, it might be  leeches.  I am not foolish, except one time on this trip, but I don't want to miss out on something because something could happen or because I am personally uncomfortable.  This attitude has gotten me thru.  The issue probably doesn't even come up in the first world.  We don't have to think about it.  I like how I am and feel I could manage pretty much anywhere.  This was a good thing for me to learn about myself.  I can however do stupid things.  I got lots of leech bites when I went hiking in the beautiful Knuckles range of mountains.  After that I started to have a bit of an infection where one of the bites had been and without thinking, when we were white water rafting on a river and I was invited to jump in, of course I did and stayed in a while..well, I ended up with Cellulitis and had to miss one night with my friends while I went to my home hospital and got some IV antibiotics.  It was pretty bad and my friend Dr. S., one of the Psychiatrists who treated me said he was VERY nervous about letting me continue my trip since treatment should be 6 days of IVs in a hospital!  I wasn't going to miss all these wonderful things I planned to see with Ruth and Len in SL and I am very healthy.  It is interesting that on the day I got the leech bites (I won't describe poor Ruth's need to come into the shower and help me get all the leeches off and try to stop all the bleeding) someone stole $350 from me.  It was quite a day but one of the best because the hike was so incredible and it was with a guide who was great and is coming to visit me here soon..a new friend. Not a new friend was our driver who made Lenny feel so safe because he was an excellent driver but for me  was a nightmare, caring more about the trip being the way he wanted it, rather then allowing us to experience Sri Lanka the way I live in it.  I was so happy though to see all the beautiful parts of SL that I had heard about; we had a wonderful safari in Yala National Park seeing elephants, leopard, birds.  Actually in the rain forest I finally got to see a bird I have been wanting to see since I arrived, it was thrilling and worth the effort to get there and be in a pretty disgusting place.  We went to Kerela, India which so many people have  loved.  I loved certain things we did and saw but I hated the filth of the place.  It is called God's country but they totally disrespect their country and God by dropping every bit of trash on the ground.  Plastic bottles, paper, anything, cover the landscape.  This kind of disrespect for your surroundings, the people you live with, the earth is not something I can ignore.  We all had a reaction to it.  I had a long talk with a visiting doctor from India about it when I got back.  He said there is an attitude in India of caring for oneself and one's relatives so you keep your own place clean but absolutely not a thought about anyone outside of your family so literally we would go outside the gates of a beautiful guest house, very well taken care of and step on litter all around us.   Do you know that so many people are drinking water in unnecessary plastic bottles, an issue created by Pepsico and other companies to make more money, that there is a new continent floating around somewhere made up of plastic!!!!!!  Is it really such a problem to refill a bottle and put a filter on your tap if, and it's a big if,  your water is so bad .  I have to boil and filter all my water because it really is bad.  So it becomes part of your life, just another routine...sorry, I have gone off on a rant but I think as the East has to wake up, so does the West.    Anyway,  we ended our travel adventure with several luxurious days at one of the oldest and loveliest hotels in Colombo, it was a real treat and a perfect ending to our time together.
     On my return, there were 3 days of conferences; one full day on Sexual issues and all were a twitter.  People don't really discuss sex here, even psychiatrists.  In the US people freely talk about sex but don't talk about money.  Here people tell me EVERYTHING about money.  The other big news is that after more then a year of being told we were moving to a new ward, just built, it finally happened a few days ago.  The day before the move there was Pirith chanting by the resident Buddhist monk and a monk junior (about 10yo.).  Many of the staff came and we chanted, some patients came, other guests.  This occurred 3 times until we actually moved everything from the old place to the new.  I of course supervised until it was obvious that no one was paying me the slightest bit of attention!    It is brand new and they moved in all the old stained mattresses, dirty old beds, side tables painted maybe 50 plus years ago...their equipment is the stuff thrown out of the worst of our hospitals 60 years ago. Of course there is no linen.  When we moved all the patients over, it became even sadder to me because we are way over census so many women are sleeping 2 to a bed and the beds are small singles!  When I talked to the consultant psychiatrist about it today he said when he was working in a medical ward he was the doctor in charge of the floor patients, the patients without beds who had to sleep on the floor!  This is the country now labeled middle class.
     Wow, as I read what I have written, one would get the impression that I am not happy or having a hard time..not true.  I am sad to be leaving some staff.  A few of the nurses apparently don't know that I have chosen to leave after 18 months instead of 24 and they told me that they each want me to live with them for a month each so I can stay!  This is what I am sad about.  There is still some subtle work to do around new staff, especially our new Master!  Yes, the bane of my existence here, the charge nurse has been replaced.  My entire experience might have been different but who knows, there's always something or someone..anyway, I think I am going to be able to fit in a quick trip to the Maldives to snorkel and maybe a weekend at the beach,  not too bad huh.
    

AI YO!

     A couple of weeks ago I got a text from my priest friend Patrick telling me that Fr. Peter had had a heart attack and died the night before.  I met Fr. Peter only 2 times, as a matter of fact, I wrote about the night I met him on one of my blogs from here, I'm sure.  I had dinner with him, Patrick and another priest in their headquarters in Colombo.  There is so much I don't remember in my life, so many meetings and dinners but this one has stayed with me because it was so unique to be with priests and to laugh more than I had in a long time. Mainly responsible for the laughter was Fr. Peter. He was short and stocky, intelligent, educated, sarcastic, irreverent and very funny.  Our humor matched so well and we bantered thru the whole dinner.  Honestly I think I fell a little in love with him that eve.  The next day, out of kindness, he came to the VSO office with the train tickets I had been unable to obtain.  Those were my only encounters with him in person but he is not someone I shall forget.
     So I have had a Sari blouse made for the Sari I never intended to wear.  I was now going to wear it for the opening of our new hospital wing which was supposed to be tomorrow, monday; I would take a picture, all would see.  Alas, that event has been postponed and I shall miss it. In any case, it's so typical of here.  The hospital director told us not 2 weeks ago that the opening was scheduled for Feb. 7.  That was the last any of us heard about it.  I finally texted the Director on Friday who sent me back a text on Saturday saying sorry, it has been rescheduled for the 21st! So I have my blouse but what was funny was trying it on with the nurses after I got it.  I picked it up and was then on the ward and several nurses said they wanted to see it on.  I took off my shirt and they all started giggling and laughing.  This year has been a real learning in trying not to be paranoid, not to take things personally and not assume things even have to do with me.  Between the language, the culture, basically usually not knowing what's going on, any of the above is easy to happen if I don't watch it.  I assumed they were laughing at my bra which looks very different from the ones they sell here.  In between laughing and tugging at the blouse and hooking it, everyone checked the blouse out which is very pretty and has tight sleeves but at least they are 3/4 length.  They approved.  Finally they told me that they started laughing when they saw the bottom part of my back because it is so white!  I am a "white" after all even though most of me has a tan.p
     Over the time I have been here, 14 months now, I have had various reactions to the lack of enthusiasm of several friends to the idea of Skyping.  I have found it a miracle for me.  It has made it possible to feel my connection especially to my family and to feel less isolated then I actually am.  I have asked, begged, pleaded, gotten annoyed, puzzled over, became resigned, gave up talking about it with several friends in my life.  I, after all, am the one away, in a strange place, without friends and family.  Accommodation should be made!  Honestly I just figured, out of sight out of mind, that is what is happening for people.  Actually, that may be true for some and really it's OK.  I am no different.  I didn't consider though that Skyping could cause pain to others, that it might be too difficult, cause sadness or other less then positive reactions..it's complicated and I was selfish, human.  It does feel good to know that my presence is missed by some and that I shan't come home to a friendless existence!
     My major companion is my cat, Baby.  She is adorable and is now bringing home birds and rats to play with!  We also now have the company of the cat who I met almost as soon as I moved in, when I thought there was a strange animal in the house and it was this cat from across the lane.  She has now taken to coming in several times a day.  The other day I wasn't paying attention and put a can with some tuna down for Baby who had just come in..you guessed it, when I actually looked, it was the other cat.  Oh Baby has a new trick, she has found a way to get to a shelf that is almost at the ceiling, it is used for storage.  Her favorite new trick is to hide out there and about 11:30pm, when I am asleep of course, she jumps, landing on all 4 paws, with a thud next to me in bed.
     I feel my work here has been successful. I am happy and feel things will carry on.  There is new stuff coming up but the staff know what to do.  The other day, as part of the Friday training program, the staff and patients put on a musical extravaganza and several little plays.  It was so wonderful, and all the patients and all the staff participated even just by being present and watching.  I had nothing to do with it's planning, it was a nurse and the OT.  I am redundant, yeah!
     I have finally persuaded the female nurses to teach me some dirty Sinhala words.  They are very shy, laugh, leave the room but I now have 3 in my repertoire.  I decided to teach them something too. There is an expression here, ai yo!  It means, oh no or uh oh trouble or something like that.  I use it all the time and then I realized, it has the same meaning as oy vey!  These people didn't know what a Jew was when I arrived.  The staff are now saying oy vey! when appropriate and I keep saying ai yo!
     
     
     

I am laughing..

     I must say, I think I am a pretty gutsy person in some ways.  Today, not only did I ride on the back of a motorcycle with social worker and pal Nilantha, I had to balance a 2 ft. by 3 ft. white board between us as he manuvered the very messy, holey, wet roads of Badulla with me and the board behind him.  The wind was pulling the board toward his head (yes of course we were both in helmets), I was holding the top of the board with one hand, my purse plastered accross my chest but slipping over the side, another heavy bag over my other shoulder,and holding on the the back of my seat with the other hand.  I was laughing when we finished our ride to the hospital, so wishing you could all see me!  I swear I am feeling younger by the day, I may come home in a crib..I think that was a movie..hmm.    A few days ago, after being asked by one of the bigshot doctors in the system, why I didn't ever wear a Sari to special occasions  and basically suggesting again that I do, I remembered that when I was in Batticaloa, I had bought a cotton Sari to bring home and use for I don't know what.  So today, after getting the white board to the ward, one of the nurses dressed me in the Sari.  It is the first time I ever even had one on and I must say, it felt special.  So I don't know what occasion may come up that I can wear it to other then my last day here, but my friend Laxmi and I shall go looking for material for the blouse which must accompany it.  Of course I have already said it has to have 3/4 sleeves and be longer in the midriff than most women wear it but it's OK, they believe me to be a bit crazy anyway.  Even Nilantha was involved in deciding what color the blouse should be.  I kept saying why can't I wear a black jersey I have and he kept saying, no, it isn't suitable.  Sometimes I can't buck the system.
     Last week and this, I have been involved in the full cycle of a Buddhist death and the rituals and ceremonies that accompany it.  In some ways, many ways it is all similar to JudoChristian traditions post death.  The major difference is that people start coming to the house the day the person dies and lunch, a huge meal of rice and curry is provided by the family from that time until the moment they leave for the cemetary.  Neighbors do bring in some food but mostly the family and extended family provide it.  There is no time when people are encouraged not to be at the home.  In the west we usually have hours of visiting, giving the family private time to eat and be quiet.  This is a group society and pleasing the visitors is what is important.  The other thing is that everything here is still done in the house, probably because funeral parlors don't yet exist here, too costly.  So in the hour before leaving for the cemetary, 6 Buddhist monks came to the house and  talked while the family sat on the floor doing rituals.  The family stays home for a week total following the death and on the 7th day, the family, friends, relatives give alms (dana) to  12 priests (monks) in the form of lunch, candys, fruits, things they need like new robes and begging bowls, soap etc. This is all presented to the monks in chairs  covered in white clothe with low tables covered in white in front of them.  Again, there is a praying ritual with monks talking and the family doing rituals.  Then they serve lunch to an invited group which included all the staff of our psych. unit.  This is similar to Jews sending money for a charity when someone dies.  The staff collected money to present to the family because the costs are great to provide all the cooking, meals etc. to so many guests.  It is believed that doing all of this is giving points in a way to the person who has died and trying to reach Nirvana in some lifetime.
     I know most of you reading this are suffering with huge snow storms or other incliment weather but I just have to complain a little about the huge shift in the weather here in the hill country of Sri Lanka..it's friggin' freezing here right now and hardly ever stops raining.  I am sitting writing to you with 3 layers of clothing, including a polartec, a shawl over that, a wool scarf around my neck and wool socks on my feet.  All of these items I brought and never wore before now.  It feels like a cold, rainy raw day in late fall in NYC..ugh.  OK, OK...