I haven't been feeling depressed anymore but I haven't been feeling like my positive self either. I have been thinking about my life here, at home, the future, what I want, how I see things and I finally identified the feeling. It is disappointment. I am disappointed. My entire life I have thought about volunteering to help in a place where they have so little materially, financially, structurally, whatever, that whatever I could do might be useful. Here in Sri Lanka I think I am useful. I think my years of life experience, mental health experience is helping in some little way to create a better environment for mentally ill people by educating the staff and the community about good mental health practice. I know that starting an AA group which we work on regularly to get people involved is a major event for this district. I am liked and respected.
So why am I disappointed? It is because I lived a fantasy and now I live a reality. This is not the poorest country, they do not have the same issues as Africa and that is where I wanted to be. The reality is that the volunteers in Africa complain of the same issues I do! It's all fantasy, whatever I do is really fine. i actually have located a village right near me that is among the poorest of the poor. I heard about this village from a newsletter I get from the Buddhist Global Relief. I am in touch with the group helping in the village called Sarvodaya Women's Movement and shall go see the village next week. I have no idea if there is any way I can do something but this village is within miles of Badulla, terrible. The same exists in America, one does not have to go too far really.
If at the end of my time here, I haven't had my fantasy become a reality, if I still need it to, if I want to check out fantasy land, there are many ways to do it, and I can. I can go to many countries in Africa as a short term volunteer, I can be on a list to go in emergencies, I can do many things. Maybe I shall be happy to go home and not need to do it, maybe I shall go home and then go traveling again, maybe anything! I am relieved to have identified what was happening inside me. I really feel much better!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Dear Nancy
ReplyDeleteThank you for putting so clearly into words, the message that I want to get across to the people who volunteer with us! My name is Cathy and with my husband, i run Schoolhouse - we place English teaching volunteers in Sri Lanka and Tamil Nadu. This is the first year we have sent volunteers and we really do prepare them well and say to them from the beginning - "look take what you find there and do your very best with it" - but several have said "it's not what I expected..." I think you put your finger right on the problem - everyone has a fantasy of what volunteering in a developing country will be like and of, course, the reality is never that fantasy.
The work we organise is not emergency help and I think many volunteers expect that they are going to desperate situations - I think your wise words will help me to explain to the next group of volunteers who are coming to a pre-departure training course this month...
Thank you! I hope that you've enjoyed Sri Lanka - the people, the place and the experience...
You mention Buddhist Relief Mission - are you a friend of Ken and Visakha, by any chance?
best wishes Cathy
www.school-house.org
Uva province has one of the highest suicide rates in the world, anything you have contributed to mental health services - be that treating staff and patients like human beings, starting local AA meetings or raising the profile of mental health services in the area represents progress. I don't know anything about Africa really, but I do know that suffering comes in many forms, the absolute poverty in SL may not compare with that of other nations, but the suicide rate is testement to the suffering people experience. You aren't rescuing people, but you are surely contributing and learning (probably more of the latter if my experience is anything to go by), with professional expertise, warmth, wisdom, humility and kindness.
ReplyDeleteHave a great time in the village (and remember if anyone offers you a tepid, green, sludgy healthdrink - tell them you have phlegm and the drink will be removed).
Hey Nancy,
ReplyDeleteFrom around the world, wishing you a Shana Tova! It is a beautiful day here, in NYC, the weather feeling wonderfully cool. Later maybe a walk to the Hudson to do a "Tashlich". I hope your travels go fabulously this coming year. If like me, you'll continuously learn so much about how other people live, so differently...yet...same same but different and keep on making discoveries about yourself. Periods of intense joy, of lonliness and questioning (well it is the days of Awe)... I still wish i had taught you ear acupuncture. We've been treating & teaching the fisher people in Louisiana the protocol; we've been offering the acupuncture alongside the mental health workers. Perpetually volunteering - so far no funds available for our work so we do the best we can....A sweet year for you...
Smiles, Wendy