65 going on 13

     Where to begin.  I have been gone for weeks.  The trip was sort of in 3 parts.  Colombo was fine, meetings, lot's of shopping, haircut, life stuff.  I had a full week of silent meditation at a retreat with Dhammaruwan and Stephen Smith who came from Hawaii to teach.  That was a treat with only 7 yogis there, we got lot's of attention.  I am unclear as to why I still do this since I have no sitting practice to speak of.  In between retreats I don't sit and honestly, I doubt if I shall now.  I love my NYC once a week Sangha.  I strongly believe in the philosophy of Buddhism, I try to live by the principles of the Buddha, but I'm too lazy and undisaplined for a daily practice..also, retreats are hard, near the end I started to be attacked in my mind by old, old bad feelings about myself and it took many hours for those feelings to change. This is called Yogi Mind.  It put me off kilter a bit too and I think it carried over to feeling more vulnerable after I left the retreat..or maybe that's an excuse.  The third part of the trip was a Christmas trip to Galle (where I went last Christmas) with 3 other volunteers.  Mostly it was great, shopping, beaching, eating.  Winston Churchill once said that the USA and GB were "2 great nations divided by language!"  Boy is that true.  The 3 other people are from the UK (1 from England and 2 from Scotland).  Between the words I didn't understand, the timber of the voice and the expressions I had no idea about, I think I drove them crazy saying "what, what, what does that mean, what..."  They didn't get me either sometimes.  On one occasion I said I didn't mind, meaning I was so happy to be there and was OK with anything and they thought I was being disagreeable and grumpy or sad.  The cultural differences where astounding to me and I have a feeling I said the same thing last year when I traveled with the Brits.  You know these three women are in their 30s and I am 65 (still think I gained 10 years accidentally) but sometimes I felt like I was much younger then them in a neurotic sense, like 13 yo, when I was pretty miserable person. Everybody in a group has their own stuff to deal with but I was surprised at mine now.  I did manage to shop way too much and spend more money then I have spent all year!  That was tremendous fun too, sharing the excitement of stuff with others who were way too encouraging!
      In any case, I really wanted to get back to Badulla, to home as I think of it now, before Friday Dec. 31 to be present for the next Friday presentation at work.  I really missed my home, my life here, my people here.  I guess wherever you make home, it is home.  I kept having waves of love for the staff here.  They knew it was hard for me to get the program I had been attempting to do for a year going and then leave for 3 weeks.  I kept getting text messages catching me up with how it went each week and thanking me for it's existence.  I guess I am being immodest but I felt so warm and fuzzy knowing these people cared about my feelings, knew me enough to text updates.  I am so lucky because they are such good people and I shall miss them when I leave, a lot.  Actually, getting back to Badulla was so lovely because people here on the street and in shops are people I know superficially; but they are genuinely warm and welcoming. 
So it is a new year and someone sent me this Buddha story I want to share since each day starts affresh, this is how I hope life goes from now on:

Once Buddha was travelling with a few of his followers. While they were passing a lake, Buddha told one of his disciples, "I am thirsty. Do get me some water from the lake."

The disciple walked up to the lake. At that moment, a bullock cart started crossing through the lake. As a result, the water became very muddy and turbid. The disciple thought, "How can I give this muddy water to Buddha to drink?"

So he came back and told Buddha, "The water in there is very muddy. I don't think it is fit to drink."

After about half an hour, again Buddha asked the same disciple to go back to the lake.

The disciple went back, and found that the water was still muddy. He returned and informed Buddha about the same.

After sometime, again Buddha asked the same disciple to go back.

This time, the disciple found the mud had settled down, and the water was clean and clear. So he collected some water in a pot and brought it to Buddha.

Buddha looked at the water, and then he looked up at the disciple and said," See what you did to make the water clean. You let it be, and the mud settled down on its own -- and you have clear water.

Your mind is like that too ! When it is disturbed, just let it be. Give it a little time. It will settle down on its own. You don't have to put in any effort to calm it down. It will happen. It is effortless."

Having 'Peace of Mind' is not a strenuous job; it is an effortless process!